I Wonder…


Almost 6 months now since I’ve ceased to draw and paint. I begin to wonder if painting, art, really was so important, so vital to me. Not a pleasant thought, after all… I’ve really believed, for a long time, I was an artist. Even created a few drawings and paintings which aren’t that bad…Some are quite good…

But now, after almost 6 months of letting go of drawing and painting in the backyard of my mind, I wonder… Am I an artist? Is there anything in me that makes painting and drawing more important than anything? Or am I just another Technical Support Consultant (imagine that!) for a corporation, trying to make a living in my final years ?

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Maybe it’s the disappointment, the frustration, the hurt that nobody “discovered” me, that no bloody Maecenas  come forward with, at least, a modest offer, to recognize my “genius”… Never mind…

I begin to like the routine of an ordinary life… No intellectual highs, just the “telly” with some good or bad series, a good movie now and then and an occasional book I read in 2-3 more time than I use to… Maybe I am simply getting old…

Or, maybe, just maybe, I am “pregnant” / impregnated with something…Maybe I wait my term, the 9th months, to deliver… I wonder…

2 responses to “I Wonder…

  1. You are an artist. You have an artist’s soul, and the highs and lows in creativity, the self-loathing and the doubt, its all a part of it. Just because you haven’t been “discovered”.. it means nothing. The fact that I’ve found your blog, and I follow you, that means something! Just do what you do. You will rekindle your love for creation in your own time, I know it.

    • You are very kind and very encouraging, Sandra. I also hope you are right. And true, Internet and chance are funny that way…A friend of mine, a distinguished writer and scientist, even believed, based on a Google search, that I was, well, notorious (is that the word?)…Anyway, thanks for stopping by and I hope I”ll be able to return the courtoisie…

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